I am so freaking frustrated!  Writing the books?  Easy.  Editing?  A little harder, but manageable.  Rewriting?  Holy fricking sh!t!  How do people do this and not just throw the whole thing away!?!  They must have some support system that I don’t have… an agent, an editor, a husband, a sister who’s interested, someone… I have friends who casually offer to help, but I’m in over my head and I don’t think I can bring a friend into the mire with me like that.  What kind of friend would I be?

It was one thing to have John helping me with the writing process.  He was there to help talk things through and get me back on track.  It was awesome.  He has this innate gift.  But now?  I’m literally looking at chapters, paragraph by paragraph, trying to figure out if things are at all salvageable.  And some of them are horrible!  Why does Nate’s book sound so different from Emi’s and Jack’s?  Aside from the different voice, his point of view just seems… off.  I can’t pinpoint it, but I’m literally asking myself: “Even from a first person perspective, would he be thinking something like that?”  There is not a single instance that I wonder that in either of the other stories.  So what’s wrong with it?

Ugh.  I had to completely rewrite a couple of chapters.  I may have used some of the same dialogue and such, but I kind of let myself just… write again.  I think I need to do that with Chapter 6, but something’s keeping me from being able to do even that.  I think I see what’s coming, and I don’t like what’s coming.  Sam and Nate are just… shallow, as a couple.  They’re supposed to be.  But it makes it difficult to add any depth to their storyline.  And then Becca’s coming up… I don’t even like her.  I want to remove her completely from the novel, but I can’t seem to bridge things together without her.  And John thinks she should stay in.  But her character and the events of her subplot just confuse me.  And I freaking wrote it all!  I think Becca is a throw-away character, I really do.  And I think I might just need to trust my gut and find a way to piece the story together without her in it.

I have 45 days to do all of this.  I’m getting a little worried.  But 45 days is a long time… it is, isn’t it?

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