Repost: Does Passionate, “I’d-Die-For-You” Love Really Exist?

I’m resurrecting a post from the past… because there are actually people reading my blog now, and I want to know what they think.

So, the question was: Does Passionate, “I’d-Die-For-You” Love Really Exist?

I’ve been pondering this lately. I’ve tried to see it in relationships around me. I can’t name one couple whose love I would describe as passionate, I’d die-for-you love. Is that just an immature type of love? Or something made up for good TV ratings? I can remember junior high crushes where I really didn’t think I’d live through the “break up.” It was too painful… how would I go on? But even with my first love, while there was passion, I don’t think it went to the I’d-die-for-you extreme… which is likely a big reason why I chose to walk away. Does the absence of that extreme commitment make it healthier? More mature? Is it silly to want that at all?

I mean, I guess it would be a rare occasion that you’d ACTUALLY have to DIE for someone, anyway. But that total devotion to another human, that willingness to give up everything out of love… that confidence that this one person is your world… can anyone ever feel that safe or that comfortable in a relationship? Does anyone ever experience that level of trust?

I hate to think I’m jaded. I always thought of myself as very idealistic, believing in my happily ever after. But I hear all the stories from my friends… about husbands who cheat on their wives and never come clean… about men who make deals with their wives that hinge on losing weight or growing out their hair or some other silly physical characteristic that’s never good enough for them… about my friends, who have admittedly gotten bored in their marriages… about people who think that having babies will heal all the wounds in their relationships. They’d never admit they made the wrong decision, but they’re not living happily ever after.

Is there a certain man that carries that trait? Like a firefighter, or a secret service agent, or someone who literally puts their life on the line for others? If I end up with an accountant, can I just expect that he’ll never be able to protect me as much as I want to be protected? That he wouldn’t jump in front of the oncoming car and push me out of the way (God forbid)? Or are all men- all people, really- capable of this, it’s just a matter of finding that person that inspires it in them? I want to find someone who inspires it in me, I know that. Does that make me crazy? Reckless? Stupid? Naive?


Is this ideal? Or should we always put ourselves first? Is it unhealthy to do otherwise?

7 thoughts on “Repost: Does Passionate, “I’d-Die-For-You” Love Really Exist?

  1. I googled searched does “passionate love exist” and this post came up. I am relieved that you are questioning the same thing as I am. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to want a love that is seemingly so hard to find. I read some of the comments and I am starting to think that maybe hearing someone else’s experience with to die for love is not going to answer the question fully. I think we must experience it ourselves before we can truly believe.

  2. I think, and I’m talking as a single female with no recent relationship to speak of, but I think ‘I’d die to save you’ love does exist. Between partners, parents and children, and sometimes even friends.

    But I also think ‘I’d die without you’ or ‘I’d die to prove my love for you’ is unhealthy and yet does also exist. You should not have to rely on another person to make your life worth living. If you do, you’re doing it wrong. You have to be able to be happy alone before you can be happy together.

  3. I cannot stop thinking about this post… it’s almost hurting my brain trying to answer it… and at the moment I haven’t got an answer…except that I think that in a relationship it’s important to be inspired and challenged by each other. There’s got to be some fire there somewhere too because fifteen years and three kids later you got be able to dig deep and find the spark again! ;-)When I come up with something more profound I’ll let you know…

  4. Yes, it does exist. Just not in the way movies portray it. At least you stay in the beginnings of love forever. So it’s hard for relationships to live up to the hype they get in movies and books. 

    Here’s what I believe. Jason is my soulmate. In every way. I cannot imagine my life without him and if I ever did loose him I wouldn’t even bother looking for anyone else because I know I would never find anyone that could ever make me as happy. I would die to save him if it came down to it and I know it. That doesn’t mean that we don’t have to work on our relationship, however, and I think that’s where many people fall flat. There are still times where he is going to annoy the shit out of me or make me really angry and I him. That’s what living with someone is all about. That’s why we work on those things. A relationship without problems is doomed because it’s unrealistic. It’s not real life. 

    I once thought it was impossible to love someone more than I loved J. That the type of bond we had was the strongest on earth. Then I had Brody. J agrees with me on this point too we have actually talked about it. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to save my son. NOTHING! If that meant I had to die, so be it. If it meant I had to kill someone, I could. I would do whatever I had to to protect my family because the bonds Jason and I share are even stronger now because we share a child. 

    I’ve always had 100% trust in Jason and he in me. I know about his past and I know what’s going on with him now. I don’t feel the need to check his email or his phone and I never have. I know who he is friends with on Facebook because he tells me. I know he is friends with exes and other women but I don’t have to worry because I know what we have. One time we were invited to play whirlyball with friends but I was going to be out of town. I told him to go but they needed an extra player since I couldn’t go. He had a friend Michelle whose boyfriend was in prison (and she was and sort of still is in total denial) Jason thought about taking her and I agreed that was a good idea but he was afraid of what everyone else would think. I knew I could trust him and I still do. 

    1. Hi Holly, When you met Jason, did you both feel romantic passion and intense attraction, and then safety and trust built, or was it safe and comfortable from the get go and less passionate?

      I’m trying to figure out if romantic passionate love exists with the safety and if it can be mutual. I haven’t experienced it.

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