Ben seeing balls for the first time in years…

A few weeks ago, I was complaining about losing sleep because I couldn’t stop fantasizing about a chiropractor doing an adjustment on my back. Admittedly, it was one the lamest fantasies I’ve had recently, but my back was tight and I. Just. Wanted. It. To. Pop.

No amount of stretching and turning and bending was doing a damn thing. I mentioned this on Facebook, and got some nice responses.

One was to get some tennis balls, and they would work wonders or something. I thought, YES! That sounds BRILLIANT! In my mind, it was a magical thing. Now my fantasies were just about how wonderful I was going to feel after doing… something… with these balls…

Well, weeks went by, and I hadn’t gone anywhere with tennis balls. Today, Ben needed dog food. While I was at Petco, I saw tennis balls! Oh, happy day, because wouldn’t you know it? My back was still tight after weeks of doing nothing. (One guy at work started rubbing my back the other day, but it was very awkward because we’ve had literally two conversations in the 7 months I’ve worked there… I wanted to just melt into it and enjoy it, but it honestly made the stiffness worse.)

So, I get home today and rip the price tags off. I put them on the ground, and Ben’s like…

BALLS?! We never have BALLS!

It’s true, we don’t. Our apartment is teensy and there is no room for ball-play. Combine that with his killer instincts outdoors (other dogs, squirrels, humans, UPS trucks) and there are really no opportunities for ball-play.

Anyway, he finally left them alone and started eating. I took that as my chance to do… whatever… with the balls. So I strategically placed them a few inches apart and lay down on them.


I moved a few inches.


Then Ben decided he wanted to play again, so now I have two balls digging into my spine and a dog digging into my side, trying to get the damn ball. I finally manage to remind him of his food, so he leaves me alone again.

So I scoot a little more, pulling some hair out this time.


What the hell am I supposed to do with these balls? No, seriously, what do I do? I don’t remember what the instructions were– nor do I remember who recommended them– and while I believe everything I read online, I don’t like to mess around with matters of my spine, so I really prefer some advice from someone I trust, who also knows what the hell I’m supposed to do.

Please do not tell me to lie on my stomach and have someone roll the balls around on my back for me. If I had someone to do that, I would not have needed the balls in the first place.